Post #44

The Queen of the Cooks.

At the top you see a very young-looking Thora smiling pretty for the camera at Christmas time.  There's a little glimpse also of what appears to be Dad beside her... except it's not, that's Rick!  Dad's mini-me, who's now a major-him.  Boy, am I glad I was a shutterbug in those days.  All these great pictures, especially of Mom.

On the bottom, there she is in her favorite robe sitting on the Crazy Quilt hide-a-bed couch with the matching (not so much) cushions.   Not sure what papers she has in her hand there, but let me just note that Mom was extremely savvy with the finances.  She was on a shoestring budget to manage the household, and she did it quite deftly.  It left all of us wondering how she did it.  Mostly me, I guess, because I didn't have a head for money at all in those days.  Still don't, really!  Thankfully, I had the wherewithal to hand over financing duties to Janice shortly after we got into our house.  

A lot of these pictures make me reflect on how I was back in those times.  Much later after these pictures, I graduated and worked at Green Gables store, and was able to get a car after my girlfriend Michelle's dad, Mike, found one for me and saw it as an opportunity to step up.  In retrospect, a lot of family came after me for not paying room and board after I graduated.  They were all correct.  I should have, because Mom had struggled with finances too much, and continued to support me even after I'd gotten that Chevy Citation.  I feel now that I took too much advantage of Mom in those days.  It's a massive cross of guilt that I carry around with me to this very day, and likely always will.

I stop and think, no wonder some siblings seemed to resent me for not carrying some of that weight.  It was selfish, and makes it hard to forgive myself up to this very day.

I admire Alexandra for having the guts to move out at the early age of 18 and into her own apartment with a friend - something that eventually went awry, but that's life.  She learned as she went, and carried herself.  Today she's a seasoned adult with more life experience behind her than I could ever hoped to have had when I was that age.  She screws up from time to time too.  Like every single human being on earth.  But she screws up way, way, way, way less than I did at her age.  Not to mention, she learns from every mistake she makes.  I can at least take pride in that.

But I'm saddled with the realization today of how much I made life for Mom more difficult.  

Oh no... tears are falling.